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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest
- Thread starter Thor
- Start date
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- band craigslist metal
Bassist looking for band - pt. 2 (Richmond)
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After a few kind invitations in response to my late posting, I attended a local audition. . . .or jam. . . .actually I'm not sure what you'd call it, but in any case it wasn't exactly what I was after. I was nearly late since as far as my GPS was concerned the address had us on a roadless, unpopulated game preserve, but sure enough I found the place and was greeted by either a very old man or very ugly woman. He/she was in good spirits and in spite of a slight disconnect of language, accent or a bit of both I was guided inside a strangely aromatic house to a throng of people - equally cheerful though a bit handsy for my comforts. Eventually I was shepherded to what I presume would be called the "rehearsal space".
No offense to the guys, but I think I came a bit over-gunned. I brought along just one bass, a 1x12 cab and a head. There was a single power strip in the center of the room with a thick, orange extension cord held down by several inches of duct tape and a crate of Shlitz. It ran through a nearby window and under the hood of an idling F350 parked just next door. The smell of exhaust didn't bother me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to plug my gear into that. The guitarist was very persistent however and insisted I position next to his Gorilla 1x5 combo. There was no drumset to speak of, just a stationary bicycle with a couple baseball cards wedged between the spokes. I thought that was pretty clever, but in the end our 'jam' sounded more like a bassist practicing to a metronome at 260 bpm atop a blasting AM radio.
The singer, of course, never showed.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
After a few kind invitations in response to my late posting, I attended a local audition. . . .or jam. . . .actually I'm not sure what you'd call it, but in any case it wasn't exactly what I was after. I was nearly late since as far as my GPS was concerned the address had us on a roadless, unpopulated game preserve, but sure enough I found the place and was greeted by either a very old man or very ugly woman. He/she was in good spirits and in spite of a slight disconnect of language, accent or a bit of both I was guided inside a strangely aromatic house to a throng of people - equally cheerful though a bit handsy for my comforts. Eventually I was shepherded to what I presume would be called the "rehearsal space".
No offense to the guys, but I think I came a bit over-gunned. I brought along just one bass, a 1x12 cab and a head. There was a single power strip in the center of the room with a thick, orange extension cord held down by several inches of duct tape and a crate of Shlitz. It ran through a nearby window and under the hood of an idling F350 parked just next door. The smell of exhaust didn't bother me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to plug my gear into that. The guitarist was very persistent however and insisted I position next to his Gorilla 1x5 combo. There was no drumset to speak of, just a stationary bicycle with a couple baseball cards wedged between the spokes. I thought that was pretty clever, but in the end our 'jam' sounded more like a bassist practicing to a metronome at 260 bpm atop a blasting AM radio.
The singer, of course, never showed.
Sounds like my old singer taking the slot of every one of these complaints. I could've written that 6 months ago when we dropped his lame pothead a$$
At least it's written in understandable English. Don't know why some folk let on to how much gear they have. I just mention that its viable for gigs. Then again I'm just extra cautious because I've had people try to dupe me into showing up to be robbed
I suppose so, but that ad reminds me of a friend I have. He has a tendency to use these twenty cent words and quotes around everything to denote implicit meaning when simple language would suffice. It always comes off as pretentious and pseudo-intellectual (as does the ad).
I'm cheating with an ebay listing, but it's well worth it.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Carvin-bass-custom-2800-/321392118007?pt=Guitar&hash=item4ad47688f7
oh lawdy...
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Carvin-bass-custom-2800-/321392118007?pt=Guitar&hash=item4ad47688f7
oh lawdy...
As an eBay Associate, TalkBass may earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
Love this thread!
And now, without further ado, the ultimate easy-to-work-with gigging professional...
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And now, without further ado, the ultimate easy-to-work-with gigging professional...
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Should read, I'm a bassist with a drummer that is looking for a band on my doorstep. I want it to be as carefree as a hobby project, but don't want you to play with anyone else.
Commending the guy for trying to be upfront and specific, but it does seem like he's fishing for marlin in a puddle. That and the gaudy awful text.
For some reason, his text makes me want to eat some M&Ms. But that roulette wheel bass is just the kind of tacky instrument that I'd love to ironically rock. It makes the neon snakeskin Thunderbird look totally pedestrian in comparison.
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Douche bag Metal god seeks help! (Hell)
Damn you wouldn't think re-hashing and pretty much copying poopie songs I wrote 30 years ago would be so hard but here I am needing help.
First off , if you wanna create something ground breaking and fresh, or popular on any level, this gig is not for you! If you don't mind sticking to my formula , following clichés, and creating metal that literally has a target demographic of .01% then read on. Yes this horse is about dead but Im gonna beat that shager one more time around the track!
Here's what you can expect:
Even though I have years of experience our new band will still make every amateur mistake possible , drug use , bad management etc etc . You see, when you live in the past you end up making the same mistakes over and over again , hoping that maybe this time it will work out different. It never does, and I secretly and almost unconsciously like it that way, I am a f**king do*che chasing a dream that will never happen and actually never did.
Spinal Tap is envious of our member turn over rate:
Expect a lot of roll-over band member wise , No one can stand being around me for more than a few months at a time, except one dude, only because he's doped up most days, So if you want to last almost one year in my in my band, tops, keep your mouth shut and no I don't need help writing songs-* , I am a shaging master when it comes to writing music no one really likes , the only reason I haven't had any success since the early 80's is because my writing partner from back then is dead now and people have stolen my ideas or plotted against me . Its NEVER my fault ! Make sure you remember that dick head! IT'S NEVER MY FAULT! !!
-*
I may accept some input on lyrics but ONLY if you have a vast knowledge of , swords, hammers, long handled axes and throwing axes, dragons, snakes, fire, warlocks, long robes, The ocult , those dinosaurs that could fly, gay porn, wizardry, sickles , astronomy, quatrains, big nails, you have the ingredients and the supplies to make trucker pizza, sharks with lasers, anything evil, and mythology. It would also help if you are a cocaine dealer or at the very least know a guy. But don't expect to get a song writing credit even if you write the whole damn song , This is MY band and MY songs!!
A world tour? Maybe, if you can last, here's what to expect:
Ok not really a world tour but international travel is a possibility but here is the one and only time that I will be honest with you. Shady tours, shady clubs/bars, shady transportation, sh*tty non guaranteed gigs, sh*tty food, even sh*ttier drugs, shi*tty rental gear , literally almost no chicks will ever be at our gigs , and no money, at least none for you. Make sure you have enough money saved up to buy a plane ticket home from where ever you get stuck at.
Douche bag Metal god seeks help! (Hell)
Damn you wouldn't think re-hashing and pretty much copying poopie songs I wrote 30 years ago would be so hard but here I am needing help.
First off , if you wanna create something ground breaking and fresh, or popular on any level, this gig is not for you! If you don't mind sticking to my formula , following clichés, and creating metal that literally has a target demographic of .01% then read on. Yes this horse is about dead but Im gonna beat that shager one more time around the track!
Here's what you can expect:
Even though I have years of experience our new band will still make every amateur mistake possible , drug use , bad management etc etc . You see, when you live in the past you end up making the same mistakes over and over again , hoping that maybe this time it will work out different. It never does, and I secretly and almost unconsciously like it that way, I am a f**king do*che chasing a dream that will never happen and actually never did.
Spinal Tap is envious of our member turn over rate:
Expect a lot of roll-over band member wise , No one can stand being around me for more than a few months at a time, except one dude, only because he's doped up most days, So if you want to last almost one year in my in my band, tops, keep your mouth shut and no I don't need help writing songs-* , I am a shaging master when it comes to writing music no one really likes , the only reason I haven't had any success since the early 80's is because my writing partner from back then is dead now and people have stolen my ideas or plotted against me . Its NEVER my fault ! Make sure you remember that dick head! IT'S NEVER MY FAULT! !!
-*
I may accept some input on lyrics but ONLY if you have a vast knowledge of , swords, hammers, long handled axes and throwing axes, dragons, snakes, fire, warlocks, long robes, The ocult , those dinosaurs that could fly, gay porn, wizardry, sickles , astronomy, quatrains, big nails, you have the ingredients and the supplies to make trucker pizza, sharks with lasers, anything evil, and mythology. It would also help if you are a cocaine dealer or at the very least know a guy. But don't expect to get a song writing credit even if you write the whole damn song , This is MY band and MY songs!!
A world tour? Maybe, if you can last, here's what to expect:
Ok not really a world tour but international travel is a possibility but here is the one and only time that I will be honest with you. Shady tours, shady clubs/bars, shady transportation, sh*tty non guaranteed gigs, sh*tty food, even sh*ttier drugs, shi*tty rental gear , literally almost no chicks will ever be at our gigs , and no money, at least none for you. Make sure you have enough money saved up to buy a plane ticket home from where ever you get stuck at.
Actually, I sort of like this one. Posted under Community>Musicians.
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Looking for Farmers Market to provide food (Federal Way Farmers Market)
I am a guitar player/singer. I am looking for Farmers Market to come to my place on Saturdays 11-2pm. Looking for popular fresh produce, meat, and other quaint decor. Looking for a restauranteur/merchant to come to my house to promote his/her restaurant by making dinner for me and my friends. This is not a paying job, but only for special events which will eventually turn into a nightly event if we get a positive response. More fine dining & exotic meals and mixed Ethnic Fusion cuisine. Are you interested to promote your restaurant? Please reply back ASAP.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Looking for Farmers Market to provide food (Federal Way Farmers Market)
I am a guitar player/singer. I am looking for Farmers Market to come to my place on Saturdays 11-2pm. Looking for popular fresh produce, meat, and other quaint decor. Looking for a restauranteur/merchant to come to my house to promote his/her restaurant by making dinner for me and my friends. This is not a paying job, but only for special events which will eventually turn into a nightly event if we get a positive response. More fine dining & exotic meals and mixed Ethnic Fusion cuisine. Are you interested to promote your restaurant? Please reply back ASAP.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
My band is terrible! (Raleigh)
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DO NOT LISTEN! Seriously. We are a retch-inducing blend of all of the worst possible musical styles you have ever heard. None of us can play our instruments worth a damn and the singer sounds like somebody threw a cat into a blender full of marbles. We have absolutely no stage or studio experience and we throw up just thinking about performing in front of a crowd.
Nobody has ever heard of us (and likely never will), our albums don't sell, and our t-shirts/merch all has our name misspelled.
Anyway, check us out!
http://www.reverbnation.com/motorbilly
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
DO NOT LISTEN! Seriously. We are a retch-inducing blend of all of the worst possible musical styles you have ever heard. None of us can play our instruments worth a damn and the singer sounds like somebody threw a cat into a blender full of marbles. We have absolutely no stage or studio experience and we throw up just thinking about performing in front of a crowd.
Nobody has ever heard of us (and likely never will), our albums don't sell, and our t-shirts/merch all has our name misspelled.
Anyway, check us out!
http://www.reverbnation.com/motorbilly
