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Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

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#962
not music related but it will make u lol [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"This is a 10 inch TV(diagonally) with a VCR. The only problem with it is that it has a porno video stuck in it(long story). The TV turns on but then turns off in about 8 seconds or so. This TV used to work great until the porno video got stuck in it."
:eyebrow:
 
#964
Laxed said:
LOL!
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


"Hi,

I'm a lead singer/songwriter (because all great singers can write songs, right?) and I'm seeking an entire band to form the most explosive speed-pop-reggae-hip-trip-hop thrashcore-grindcore-deathcore-metalcore-corecore punk-ska-jazz creation ever.

I need the following:

- Two Guitarists, one that does lead and one that does rhythm who will be able to play anything and everything in unison. All leads by the lead guitarist shall be at a minimum. It's not all about you, bitch.
- An accomplished drummer that will not argue with me, and knows his role as the guy in the back farthest from the front of the stage that keeps the beat going. I do not want to have to fight you. You beat on things for fun. Being mute is a plus.
- Your standard bass player that will on occasion, throw out a vowel or two during the creative process, but no one really gives a **** as to what a bass player has to say anyway. Chances are your bass work will not be heard in the final mixes of our demos. If this hurts your feelings, see drummer for emotional tampon.
- Previous unsuccessful material that I can critique.

Please Note: All musicians that are interested must have expensive, QUALITY gear, their own transportation (public is ok), must be punctual (that means on time, drummers), and most of all, be great. You must also have rehearsal space already lined up, as well as PA equipment. Being the singer, I will show up prepared....to sing.

SERIOUS INQURIES ONLY PLEASE! Don't waste my time like I just wasted yours. "
Click to expand...


I actually told that guy it was way too early for April Fool's and that if he wanted it to be funny he needed to improve his horrible timing.
 
#966
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Satan has challenged me to a battle, I just need a bass player. (bloomington)

Date: 2010-04-06, 4:12PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I need a bassist so that I can defeat Satan. The band currently consists of acoustic rhythm guitar, lead electric and a drummer. It's a good background of musical talent.

If you'd be interested we will be playing the music at myspace.com/endthedrugwar

Also if you can switch instruments like you can switch you sexuality, that's a turn on and a plus!

* Location: bloomington
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1679333589



What's with the last line: "Also if you can switch instruments like you can switch you sexuality, that's a turn on and a plus!"?
 
#967
cyrusstark said:
I'm glad I have never met someone like this (poster or applicant):

"Looking for a bass player. Must be able to drink. Bass gear optional, we got some you can use. Hopefully you're unemployed, because quite frankly, I don't want Mc f'n Donald's to get in the way of our dream of world domination. Hopefully you got a DUI or something that's keeping you from driving too because I like to be the one to drive the van & trailer. It gives me the self-worth I need to continue this ridiculous lifestyle. I'll pick ya up for practice too homie! HOPEFULLY you got a few kids with a chick that's PHYCO because if not, I don't think you're gonna be a very good fit. We need someone that's motivated to be out of the house all weekend for little pay. Last but not least, Must have poor bathing habbits...... I don't want anybody steallin' up on these cougars I'm preyin' on!! Sorry dude... Just sayin.

PS.. If you have a late 70's trans am or camaro... this will help your chances in the audition process. Mullet Optional but recommended. You will be required to "Pee" in a cup...... If we can't get a buzz from just lookin' at it... you're probably better off just going back to your crossword puzzle now.

We play everything from mudvayne, lamb of god, all the way to bill monroe, old crow medicine show. A lot of "show tunes"..... TV Theme songs..... A sophisticated little person carnival with a twist of gypsy jazz. We would appreciate it if you would ware the proper attire when responding. Offer not sold in all stores... Void where prohibited."

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Click to expand...

Wow, guess where I just happen to live...that's right, Peoria.
(I'm assuming it's Peoria, IL by the fact that he mentions Mudvayne, who are from here.)
 
#968
Hey, [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]that's not a Squier, for once!

TUNE-Guitar Technology 4-string Bass - $1000 (Columbus)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-04-09, 7:02PM EDT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a really great bass guitar. It is a TWBT Custom 4-string in perfect condition. If you're interested I will send you pictures. I will also trade for a black/maple neck Fender American Precision Bass. If you have any questions, please call me 937-594-2658 or email [email protected]

PostingID: 1684692307



I emailed the seller, hoping that at that price, it might be a hand-made Japanese Tune. No...it's the mass-produced Korean model, which can be found used, for about $300-$500. :rollno:
He sent me pics in his reply email. No way that bass is in "perfect" condition with broken control knobs!
 
#970
Here's one... a "painist," among other things...

Dedicated Vocalist, Guitarist, Drummer, Bassist, Painist (Hanover, Nh)
Date: 2010-04-10, 11:42PM EDT
Reply to: ****@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey, so my name is Alexi, I'm 16 and I'm a High School Student. I'm very serious about music and doing it professionally. I play all the instruments listed comfortably enough to, you know, do serious **** with. I do play a little bit of violin, but I'm not the first person you should go to for that. I feel very comfortable playing the role of and really enjoy the frontman position in a band. I've had the grim duty of having to be the manager of a six piece band, and I swear to god, it was like herding flies. So I'll always make the extra effort be available and willing to follow the direction of the band. My influences are bands like Seether, Nonpoint, Hollywood Undead, Dark New Day, Fear Nuttin Band, Halestorm, Otep, Dry Kill Logic. I really like the idea of having more than one singer in a band and I absolutely LOVE the idea of having a girl in a heavy band. I don't know why, it's just really really hot. And I really like bigger bands like Counting Crows, American Head Charge or Mushroomhead. I would list slipknot, but as much as I like them, half of them don't do ****. And seriously, what is that guy with the spikes on his head supposed to be doing? Anyway, I've been liking the idea of playing in a rap/metal band, but I'm open to anything really. I like to have fun party stuff in the music I do, but there's definitely nothing wrong with talking about some of the real life **** that we go through everyday!
I really don't have any religious connections. I just kind of go with the philosophy that **** happens.
My political views are summed up in every Chris Rock bit.
Uh.... that's pretty much all I can think to you about myself that might, you know, affect the kind of band I enter.
So, to hear my stuff.... um, I really don't have much in the way of a GOOD way to record, so if you don't mind doing a walk in thing, neither do I.
So, yeah. Drop me an email if you're as serious about music as I am and like the sound of my add. And KEEP ROCKING THE **** ON!!!!!!!
Alexi
Click to expand...
 
#971
Haha, that "painist" sounds like a younger, scatterbrained version of me.

Just found this...
Coverband seeks vocalist who can sing cleanly also plays a wind instrument (preferably saxophone or acoustic guitar)
Click to expand...
OK, so they just got the parentheses in the wrong place, but it's still funny.
 
#976
The EH Man said:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Satan has challenged me to a battle, I just need a bass player. (bloomington)

Date: 2010-04-06, 4:12PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I need a bassist so that I can defeat Satan. The band currently consists of acoustic rhythm guitar, lead electric and a drummer. It's a good background of musical talent.

If you'd be interested we will be playing the music at myspace.com/endthedrugwar

Also if you can switch instruments like you can switch you sexuality, that's a turn on and a plus!

* Location: bloomington
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1679333589



What's with the last line: "Also if you can switch instruments like you can switch you sexuality, that's a turn on and a plus!"?
Click to expand...

Link Removed this is from his myspace,always good too add abit of a conspiracy theory in with the battling of satan.
 
#978
Punctuation FTL:

Looking to trade for an Ibanez (Carpentersville)
Date: 2010-04-14, 10:13AM CDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

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email protected]) AND IF YOU DO WANT TO TRADE YOU WILL HAVE TO COME HERE BECAUSE I HAVE NO CAR AND PROBABLY WONT BEABLE TO GET A RIDE IM LOOKING FOR ALMOST ANY IBANEZ THE MAIN REASON IM TRYING TO TRADE IS IVE BEEN WANTING TO LEARn HOW TO PLAY GUITAR FOR A WHILE NOW JUST HAVNT HAD THE MONEY SINCE I GOT LAID OFF AND FOR THOES WHO KNOW HOW TO FIX GUITARS I WILL THROW IN MY OLD GUITAR I GOT 4 YEARS AGO A MONTH AFTER I GOT IT MY BROTHER TOOK IT TO SCHOOL AND IT CAME BACK IN PIECES SOME PARTS ARE MISSING A FEW SPRINGS NEEDS NEW STRINGS A NEW INPUT JACK AND A FEW SCREWS I WOULD ADD A FEW MORE PICS BUT I CANT IF YOU WANT MORE PICS JUST EMAIL ME

* Location: Carpentersville
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

image 1691714490-0 image 1691714490-1
image 1691714490-2 image 1691714490-3
 
#979
DLKasim said:
Punctuation FTL:

Looking to trade for an Ibanez (Carpentersville)
Date: 2010-04-14, 10:13AM CDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

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email protected]) AND IF YOU DO WANT TO TRADE YOU WILL HAVE TO COME HERE BECAUSE I HAVE NO CAR AND PROBABLY WONT BEABLE TO GET A RIDE IM LOOKING FOR ALMOST ANY IBANEZ THE MAIN REASON IM TRYING TO TRADE IS IVE BEEN WANTING TO LEARn HOW TO PLAY GUITAR FOR A WHILE NOW JUST HAVNT HAD THE MONEY SINCE I GOT LAID OFF AND FOR THOES WHO KNOW HOW TO FIX GUITARS I WILL THROW IN MY OLD GUITAR I GOT 4 YEARS AGO A MONTH AFTER I GOT IT MY BROTHER TOOK IT TO SCHOOL AND IT CAME BACK IN PIECES SOME PARTS ARE MISSING A FEW SPRINGS NEEDS NEW STRINGS A NEW INPUT JACK AND A FEW SCREWS I WOULD ADD A FEW MORE PICS BUT I CANT IF YOU WANT MORE PICS JUST EMAIL ME

* Location: Carpentersville
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

image 1691714490-0 image 1691714490-1
image 1691714490-2 image 1691714490-3
Click to expand...

...WHAT I DONT HAVE IS PUNCTUATION AND A WORKING CAPS LOCK KEY
 
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