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Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jive1, Apr 11, 2005.
I am dying here lmao!
i'm going to see iron maiden tomoro with our guitarist we'll be sharing hotel room coz everywhere is booked and i've been eating broccoli, cabbage and beef stroganof all day i'm gonna terrorise him all day tomoro
my fave trick was at a gig last year when our singer was tryin to chat up a groupie i made my way to the bar and on my way back dropped a spicy one right next to him then sat down and watched as the lady in question made her excuses and left
lmfao hahahahah ohhh u dirty people crack me up
i remember one time i was on the phone to my ex girlfriend and then she just let a massive one rip right in her little brothers face. It was so loud that i had to pull the phone away from my ear hahahahahah ohhh good times.
I just brought it up again to her just then and now she wants to kill me hahahahah
ohhh i love to embarress my friends
That is priceless.
Poor little drummer.....
Passing Gas falls directly into our area of responsibility - it is clearly more than 99% of the time in the low frequency range. Just another tool in the tool belt - just proving that we are all Gods of the Low End - and we are keeping it real by adding the element of Smell.
Ok, my work is done here.
I think I have discovered the problem with the lack of stench in my most recent propulsions. I just fart too much during the day, so each blast doesn't carry as much stink as it would if I held in a couple and then let out a blast. So for my next gig, in addition to my fart foods, I'll try to hold off on a couple until the gig.
Frito-lay brand Ranch Sunflower seeds- the kind in the 2/$1.00 tubes...those give me volume and a certain "bouquet"...try a couple tubes! If that doesn't set your colon to rumblin', I don't know what will!
Careful, Jive - there's a reason for the expression "better in than out"!
Rather than repressing them, you should refine your diet to ensure a relatively faht-free day, but then guaranteeing a faht-filled night.
We don't wanna have a thread about the hazards of storing compressed gas now, do we?
Sometimes sacrifices have to be made in the name of science.
It is now on my shopping list. But, the Activia that was recommended didn't work for me. But I will keep notes of everything, just in case I need to create a superfart that's optimized for Texan bowels.
ironically i have never farted during a show, iv farted a hell of a lot during practice though. god they hate me for that one.
Found a great product...
Should allow great enjoyment of the "night music"!
My Dad used to have a little saying he would use when he ripped one at an inappropriate time: "I'd rather bear the shame than feel the pain".
I can picture a future thread update where Jive explains how he saved all his gaseous glory for that night's gig. But when his plan was put into play it backfired (quite literally) and he was propelled onto the dance floor by the sudden and unexpectedly powerful release. Once there he had to think quickly and without missing a beat acted as if it were part of the show and that the odd smell on the dance floor was actually coming from some dude doing the white man's overbite next to him.
so I've been a no-carb diet for the last week. Means lots of beans, nuts, and vegetables.
On Saturday, I ate some celery sticks dipped in hummus with smoked jalapenos and garlic.
The farts were silent, but nuclear. I could feel the burn on the way out...
You need to be careful for the ole "sneeky Pete. (thats pretty much the standard face that accompanies it too) Thats when you think you have to fart but you really need to do something else. That could make for a real awkward stage moment.
Lots of good advice here from a sage group of people!
This is sort of related...
A few years back, when I was going to university, I was running late and noticed my bus just approaching the bus stop. I barely made it, but unfortunately picked up a 'little something' on the way in. The bus was PACKED and as I stood there, I noticed the *very* strong and distinct smell of dog poop. I must have stepped into a big pile of poop as I ran to the bus. EVERYBODY noticed. It stank bad. For the next 35 minutes of morning commute traffic people glared at me. If I didnt have an important test, I would have gotten off the bus, wiped off my shoe and just caught the next one.
Our guitarist/band leader would go over to our drummer and be like..Hey whats up, and leave behind such a stink bomb...poor fool had nowhere to go!
Let's just say that I am a tall guy who stands next to the drummer who happens to be sitting down. Oh, he doesn't have one of those plexi-glass shields around his kit either. My gaseous emissions are pretty much at face level for him. I've caused him to break tempo a couple of times...he-he...
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