How to fire a guy who, without a doubt, will not take it well?

[bassinplace]

I haven't read past the OP, so forgive me if I'm redundant. So the upshot is that he's a douchebag. The mature, non-douchebag thing to do is to tell him verbally that the band has decided to continue without him and that his services will no longer be needed. Just cut out the cancer cleanly and go on with your project in a mature and non-toxic fashion. Yeah, he might pitch a fit but if that's what it takes to cut your losses then that's what needs to be done.

 

[mellowinman]

Heh, he's as mellow as a hot sauce colonic.

Based on the overly judgmental garbage you post here, you could USE one of those!

Maybe two!

You wouldn't know logic if it bit you in your rotundness.

 

[mellowinman]

I kind of got into this late and am not going to hang around long but by you telling the OP to "show him a weapon" that is not helping him at all. That could get real ugly and end bad for the OP in allot of ways...FWIW don't listen to your posts.

I'm just talking about EXPERIENCE. That is how I HAVE handled these types of things, and it has always worked out, because cowards who hit women tend to hit the road right quick when you confront them.

And there is NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE who hits a woman who is NOT a coward.

One more time: NO ONE!

 

[bassinplace]

I'm just talking about EXPERIENCE. That is how I HAVE handled these types of things, and it has always worked out, because cowards who hit women tend to hit the road right quick when you confront them.

And there is NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE who hits a woman who is NOT a coward.

One more time: NO ONE!

Brandishing a weapon is never a good idea. Especially if you don't intend to use it. It's simply incongruent with anything resembling sanity.

 

[Pacman]

Never, EVER listen to this poster.

Just tell the guy you don't ever want to see him again. Show him a weapon if you have to. Make it clear he is NOT safe around any of you.

He is a woman abuser.

NO REAL MAN puts up with women abusers.

This is called brandishing, and is not only a crime, it's a good way to get (legally) shot dead. Show me a weapon, I can now act in self-defense.

Bone-crushingly stupid advice, man.

 

[mellowinman]

This is called brandishing, and is not only a crime, it's a good way to get (legally) shot dead. Show me a weapon, I can now act in self-defense.

Bone-crushingly stupid advice, man.

No it isn't. First of all, you're not a cowardly woman beater, so I'm not going to show you anything.

Second of all, I never said what KIND of weapon.

A fist is a weapon. A bat is a weapon. It's not advice, anyway. I just said I had a similar situation, and I let the guy know I was serious, and the guy doesn't bother me anymore.

What do YOU recommend when dealing with woman-beating cowards?

Incidentally, in this world, people will shoot you dead for NO reason. Legality doesn't really enter into such things very often, nor does logic.

I'm not mellow, I didn't give advice, and nothing I said was stupid.

Do you understand?

 

[mellowinman]

Brandishing a weapon is never a good idea. Especially if you don't intend to use it. It's simply incongruent with anything resembling sanity.

I have never shown anyone ANYTHING I didn't intend to use.

I couldn't give the suggestion I would like to give, without possibly violating board rules.

The guy slapped his girlfriend, and no one said or did anything.

A coward in a group of cowards. At some point, someone has to step up.

 

[bassbully]

I'm just talking about EXPERIENCE. That is how I HAVE handled these types of things, and it has always worked out, because cowards who hit women tend to hit the road right quick when you confront them.

And there is NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE who hits a woman who is NOT a coward.

One more time: NO ONE!

^ there you go. If it really was/is your EXPERIENCE that's great but you also suggested it and told the OP to do it..your so called help? I agree with you about hitting a woman and all of that but showing a weapon to a person is stupid to intimidate them and could get you dead or in jail quick! I have seen some stupid advice on TB but this tops the list. BTW..chill out..geez!

 

[bassmonkeee]

Do you understand?

Oh, I think we all understand. Just don't ask me what it is that we understand. You might not like the answer.

 

[ibateur]

Back to regular programming.

 

[bassinplace]

I have never shown anyone ANYTHING I didn't intend to use.

I couldn't give the suggestion I would like to give, without possibly violating board rules.

The guy slapped his girlfriend, and no one said or did anything.

A coward in a group of cowards. At some point, someone has to step up.

So, you're going to take the law into your own hands for every case of domestic abuse you see? Ok there, jesse james. You'll show them cowards what for! Break some skulls! Civil adult behavior is over rated anyway. Who wants to do that when you can always risk prosecution or having your ass handed to you by introducing yourself into other peoples private lives?

 

[Ben Noblit]

Just tell the guy you don't ever want to see him again. Show him a weapon if you have to. Make it clear he is NOT safe around any of you.

From someone who has been in his own fair share of fights. . .

Aside from the legality issue (which is still important) adding weapons to an already acrimonious situation is ALWAYS a bad idea. Especially when you are the rational, stable side of the dispute. If you do this, you are turning a situation which at worst extremely annoying into a situation where someone could get hurt very fast.

With all due respect to TB's laws, this is terrible advice.

 

[Mystic Michael]

I think the reason why this thread has generated so much more heat than most, is because many of us have unfortunately experienced the D-Bag personality type before. We know - from personal experience - that someone of such dishonest, manipulative, abusive and predatory character is not a reasonable person - and hence, not someone with whom to waste time trying to reason. And we know that such people are usually expert in using the tolerance, patience, good will and forbearance of other people, against them.

That is why, when we learn of the efforts of the OP and his mates to bend over backward in an effort to be fair and civil toward D-Bag - even to the point of extending the business relationship with him indefinitely - that we become truly frustrated for his sake. Because we know that D-Bags typically respond only to a show of force & power. And we see ample evidence that, despite some very persuasive arguments that have been set forth here, the OP is so beset by feelings of guilt at somehow becoming "the bad guy", that he simply can't see any of that.

Who wouldn't feel at least a little frustrated under the circumstances? The baby seals are blissfully unaware of their imminent clubbing. It's a train wreck - in slow motion.

I can do nothing to prevent it. I can only avert my eyes...

MM

 

[kai_ski]

I have just one question: is he a douche bag?

 

[stambroker]

Mr. D-Bag sounds like he should meet up and start a band with Axl Rose, Gene Simmons, and Mike Portnoy.

 

[bassbully]

D-bag or not and it (appears he is) is one thing, showing a person a weapon to get your point across is another and wrong.
You can get on here and be big bad Billy Bad Ass but the law and having the tables turned on you could get you or someone you care about hurt or in allot of trouble. Offering it up as advice on this board is stupid..period!

 

[klejst]

I would say just be as honest, upfront and direct as possible with him. It may suck for both of you, however deep down I am sure he can appreciate you for your direct, honest and being upfront with him and not "beating around the bush." Do it face to face also, don't do the text or email route that always sucks no matter who you are.

 

[Tampabass]

Wow, this thread lives.
So have you fired the guy, and cut that cancer out of your lives? Or are you still just talking about it?

And, I haven't read all the recent posts, but did some idiot here suggest pulling a gun?

There's bad advice, and then there's REALLY bad advice. That has to be the worst advice I've ever seen expressed on Talkbass - and the competition is pretty stiff!

 

[spade2you]

To the OP, sometimes you gotta do your homework BEFORE it gets to this. In the internet era, you should be able to find past bands and get some feedback.

I have never shown anyone ANYTHING I didn't intend to use.

I couldn't give the suggestion I would like to give, without possibly violating board rules.

The guy slapped his girlfriend, and no one said or did anything.

A coward in a group of cowards. At some point, someone has to step up.

When you put two hot-heads in the same room, someone is going to leave in an ambalance.

 

[klokker]

You need to stop calling him a douche-bag. And he did bring you into the band. You sort of fry him for drama, and then keep it going yourself which I don't understand.

I don't know what your legal issues are, but as you sever your relationship, the name calling has to go and won't serve your cause in a positive way.

Cool music by the way. Great sound.