Phone call?

[Luke19Boarder]

OP: If you are worried that you are going to sound like a dunce over the phone, just be honest with the guy. At the beginning on the conversation, just say "hey, I normally don't enjoy talking over the phone because I at times have a hard time following the conversation without visual cues. Just so you know, if we meet in person I'll be much more comfortable." Or something along those lines.

 

[Sixgunn]

OP: If you are worried that you are going to sound like a dunce over the phone, just be honest with the guy. At the beginning on the conversation, just say "hey, I normally don't enjoy talking over the phone because I at times have a hard time following the conversation without visual cues. Just so you know, if we meet in person I'll be much more comfortable." Or something along those lines.

Have we really come to this?

 

[Kragnorak]

After a few really bad experiences, I always phone screen players before I invite them to get together.

You can tell a lot more about someone from talking to them that will never come through in an email. Mainly looking to see if the person is a total b*llsh*tter.

Maybe. I know a guy that was talking to people he found through an ad. It was a couple of guys and they talked via phone and in person for about a month before this one night where they went out to get Taco Bell and went back to his pad. There they proceed to roofie him and steal about $5k in musical instruments and equipment. The most devastating to him was the PC that housed his recorded tracks.

Extreme case, I know. But to me, it's a reminder that a charming sociopath will fool your instincts anyway.

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

Seriously,

I have had 3 hour meetings with my boss who has a thick Indian accent and was half the world away from me at the time through a cell phone speaker. The audio quality is perfectly adequate for having a conversation.

Seriously.

 

[arbiterusa]

Have we really come to this?

What's the problem? Sounds like a perfectly reasonable statement to get everyone on the same page.

 

[Luke19Boarder]

Have we really come to this?

What, helping someone out who is uncomfortable in a situation?

Some people are uncomfortable speaking in public. Some people are uncomfortable talking to pretty girls. Some people are uncomfortable speaking to cops. Some people are uncomfortable talking to someone they can't see (i.e. on the phone). You can't really help what makes you nervous ... why not just be upfront about it? The OP knows that he probably doesn't come across as himself over the phone, and I'm just suggesting that he put it out in the open (but I'm also suggesting that he make the call, because that's what the band leader wants).

 

[yodedude2]

in general, those that are more extroverted will be less empathetic and less flexible. introverts usually have to work within the extrovert's comfort zone (and outside their own) as evidenced by the strong judgments in this thread. op, make the phone call.

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

Don't worry. Millennials will eventually grow up, be handcuffed to a mortgage and a significant other, all the while listening to thier teenaged kids bitch and moan. Then they'll be just as grumpy as the rest of us old farts.

I was an early Gen Xer until I went through the same thing. Today, I'm more like my pre-Boomer father was in the 1980s.

This one day, at work camp. The boss wanted something done that took two people with a certain level of knowledge about some equipment. I was one of those people and I knew that the 20 something on the staff was the other guy for the job. When he said he didn't know anything about the gear, I made and excuse to have him go re-boot the equipment. After he came back, I came up with another more involved task and asked him to go do it. The whole time, the boss is sitting there taking it all in. The other guy headed off without any hesitation to perform the second task. I turned to the boss and said it seems that he knows a lot more about this than he's letting on. The boss replies, "well he's a millennial."

 

[TripleDouble]

When I was an intern in Los Angeles, my boss literally had to teach me how to talk on the phone in a manner that was convincing and appropriately represented his business. How to be confident, focused, laid back yet ultra efficient. It was weird, he was right, he later hired me.

 

[Kragnorak]

Just take a look at the debates, and you can see how the ability to present oneself talking is important.

You mean the debates where the awkward slapfights sounded like 22 year olds posturing? There are grown men approached the supposedly-wizened part of their lifespan and the close-caption guy gave up and literally wrote [unintelligible yelling] across the screen!

 

[Joe Nerve]

I know i'm acting like a little punk about this but phone calls make me nervous and a lot of times I have no idea what people are saying. It confuses me sometimes, like i get disoriented on it. Weird, i know.

Didn't read the entire thread, so I'm going to guess some of what I'm about to say has been said already, but I'll say it anyway. Talking on the phone is a skill you can practice and get better at. I advise you to do that. I used to not be so great on the phone, and my wife made me painfully aware of that when she overheard some of my "uncomfortable" conversations. Told me I used a lot of uhhs and umms and didn't sound confident. I listened to her critique, practiced, and now sound a whole lot better.

Talking on the phone is tougher for some than texting and writing because it's real time. You can't edit, you can't take time to think for 2 minutes before responding... You can't put forth the perfect picture/response that some like to. And it's something that I think is important to get used to if you're not. As you're seeing, some people will require it. Especially when jobs and money are involved.

It's ok to be uncomfortable. Many people are. It's important though to not allow that uncomfortability to ever get in your way. And fwiw, I've had people tell me on the phone, that they were uncomfortable on the phone... And I was fine with that. You might want to consider just telling them that when you call, as it might take some pressure off. Thats if you didn't already get past this. I'm late to this game I know .

 

[buldog5151bass]

You mean the debates where the awkward slapfights sounded like 22 year olds posturing? There are grown men approached the supposedly-wizened part of their lifespan and the close-caption guy gave up and literally wrote [unintelligible yelling] across the screen!

Exactly - their failure to make an impression on you, based upon their oral presentations, made it even less likely you would support them.

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

So you can send a text and concentrate on a task better than you can while having a phone conversation. The conversation is just as distracting either way.

I think the kid's bosses call it multi-tasking these days.

 

[Kragnorak]

Two musicians meet at a library. First one says, "what do you think in regards to Man's ascent from primitive forms, and where the genealogy is leading for the future?" Second musician says, "cool it! I'm a guitar player."

"When do you think life started?"

Guitar player: "Life began in 20 BCB (Before Chuck Berry) when Robert Johnson sold his soul to the Debil to become a blues master"

 

[neddyrow]

what a thread.....i can't believe this is going on 12 pages!

i think people have some bottled up frustrations these days

 

[40Hz]

I'm 22. I realize it shouldn't be a problem. It's probably some kind of anxiety.

Might be a generation thing.

If you're not comfortable talking on the phone, I really don't know what to suggest. But if you're serious about working with this guy - who I think is politely insisting on a phone conversation with you - then you're gonna need to man up and just do it.

I myself can't stand text messaging despite my own reluctant use of it - and I have real problems with people who can't hold their own in a conversation if they're going to be fellow band members. And I've learned to trust my gut instincts and initial impressions of someone when I'm talking to them. Because those impressions have seldom led me wrong.

Interpersonal skills and the ability to think on your feet are valuable skills when you're dealing with the public. I've seen more than a few bands torpedoed because one member was either a complete social moron - or didn't know what to say - or (more often) know enough to shut up when they should have. Every member of the band speaks on behalf of the entire band at all times. So if your communications and interpersonal skills are insufficiently developed, now's a good time to start working on them. And in your case, a good starting point would be to make that phone call.

The only way to deal with anxiety is to confront it and keep working at it. I was probably the shyest person on the planet until I realized it wasn't getting me anywhere or making me any friends. Today, most people who know me probably wish I'd try talking a little less just to provide some variety.

And if I can do it, you should be able to too. Because I'm no prodigy or super big success story. I'm just another guy who figured out how to do the social thing. Truth is, it's kinda fun once you get the hang of it. The hardest part is starting something. And as you know, the pre-show jitters are almost always ten times worse that the show itself.

So just set a time - and pick up that phone. It'll be cake once you get past worrying about it. Promise!

 

[Shishard]

Not to be a know it all but some people , even musicians have issues with words and words without a face become even more distorted. I have trouble, not with speaking but what I hear. My son does as well he is diagnosed as high spectrum ( high functioning) Aspergers, I believe I am as well but we did not have that fancy talk in the 70s. I was just a weird kid. Most also have issues with eye contact when speaking, it is very distracting to us.

 

[Kragnorak]

Huh?

If a guy can't talk on the phone to a stranger, he just isn't going to magically change into an outgoing dude on the gig.....I don't really care what label differentiation you care to slap on it.

Wrong. Have you heard of an Artist Often Known as Prince?

I'm an introvert. Introversion and extroversion have everything to do with how much energy you gain or receive from being around humans. For me, going to a mall is exhausting.

Just this last Saturday, there were about 5 extra family members visiting and by the time I left for my gig I was drained and ruined. I just wanted to curl into a ball and hibernate. But I showed up to a long gig and grinned and jumped around and rocked out and helped make the night. I left at 3AM with more energy than when I had arrived.

So for me, talking with family or most humans = losing energy. Playing music = gaining energy. Talking with my SO = gaining energy. It's a pretty short list of people that don't drain the life outta me.

 

[Kragnorak]

The best though: "I'll bring my shoes and my glasses so I'll have them".

Heh, that really was the best line, and I still say it once in a while. Followed by "Sue everybody."

 

[Sixgunn]

What's the problem? Sounds like a perfectly reasonable statement to get everyone on the same page.

I dunno, feeling the need to expose insecurities to a complete stranger seems... well... pathetic to me. You asked