Glaswegian metal bands tune any which way they can, because in Glasgow there are no longer any big trees to speak of.
Shadowy local figures and foreign speculators who were behind the notorious toothpick boom at the turn of the Century, conspired and razed all the forests. Dental health in the UK has never been better, which is one consolation, but the music scene there has suffered the death of a thousand cuts and good wood now costs an arm and a leg.
Among other things, tonewoods must now be imported into Glasgow from all over the place. The subsequent confusion and the ensuing variation in tones has caused no end of trouble, especially for some of the more tonally-challenged Glaswegians. A small number, however, are surviving regardless - even prospering. According to one local lass, "of course, the best tonewood for metal is Norwegian wood. Ya daft? It's deeper and it is available. But you've first to know hwhere to go."
She immediately fell silent and remained tight-lipped about the whereabouts of the woods. We talked until two. I sat on the rug, biding my time but, despite my many probing questions, and a couple of bottles of bubbly, this bird had flown.
