So y’all are all over 50, in a hobby band, and this guy screwed up and got drunk. You mentioned family was there apparently encouraging the shots that are the crux of this particular biscuit. Did it occur to you there may well have been some kind of family dynamic involved? By your account this was the first time it’s happened, was it the first time that particular group of family came out to see you play? I’m lucky enough to not have any traumatic events or deeply negative emotions attached to any family members so i can’t speak from personal experience but i know enough people who have serious family issues to know it can turn an otherwise mild mannered Jeykll into a raging Hyde just by being in close physical proximity to certain family members. Or maybe they just found out a loved one is terminally ill. If he has yet to throw himself on the mercy of the court perhaps it is embarrassment and/or shame holding him back.
Point being, was this proof of a pattern of behavior or is it an anomaly from an otherwise reliable individual?
If this is truly the first time they’ve exhibited this behavior, perhaps giving them the benefit of the doubt before reading the riot act might be in order. A reprimand is called for, but does it rise to the level of a formal dressing down? Your reaction sounds like it would be appropriate if this were an established pattern of behavior and yes i appreciate you are all old enough to know better, but hopefully you appreciate we are all human and perfection is not one of our strong suits. You made no mention of how the other band members felt about the situation so there is also that to consider.
I guess what it really comes down to, at least for me, is this a friend who may need your help and support, or is it just a fellow employee who embarrassed you to the point you are no longer interested in continuing your hobby band working relationship?
Maybe instead of going in with threats and recrimination, you might just pick up the phone and ask this individual what the cluck happened the other night, then shut up and let them explain themselves. You are owed that and what was said would go a long way toward how i’d go from there. If they are flip or dismissive of their behavior, put them on notice it won’t be tolerated, if they are reticent and repentant, maybe a stern, but friendly warning would be in order. Either way, you now have grounds for the full on riot act should it happen again, although that riot act should be along the lines of “unless and until you get help with your problem you are out.” Follow that up with an offer to take them to an AA meeting if you are a friend, or suggest they seek one out if it’s just a fellow employee problem.
now if you already had a replacement lined up before this happened, this would be the ideal justification to bring them in, so there is that.
please understand, i’m not in the judgement business so this is certainly not a judgement of you or your lead singer. It is strictly personal opinion based on past personal experience.
